Das Hoffest — The Courtyard Party

Du and Sie: Who Offers, and When

The switch from Sie to du is one of the small rituals of German social life, and it follows conventions that most speakers know without ever having been taught them. Traditionally, the older person offers du to the younger, the more senior to the more junior, and, in an older etiquette, the woman to the man. Once agreed, the switch is generally permanent: going back to Sie is unusual and is felt as a cooling of the relationship. The old ritual of Brüderschaft trinken, drinking with linked arms and often ending with a kiss, is still known but rarely practiced; a toast or a handshake is more common today. Practice also varies by setting. Many workplaces, especially younger companies and start-ups, use du across the board, while others keep Sie for years. Neighbors may say Sie to each other for decades, which is not necessarily a sign of distance but of a certain respect. The Hoffest, a party in the courtyard of an apartment building, is a typical setting for such moments. In Berlin's courtyards, the tenants or co-op members organize these parties themselves: folding tables and benches, food that everyone contributes, a borrowed grill and a homemade punch. They are often the one day in the year when people who share a staircase actually sit down together.